Chopsticks

Laura and I were at the mall with our kids. We were in the food court deciding where to eat. I chose Edo, it's one of my all time favorites.

So I order and as the gal is cooking my food there's a guy standing near the register leaning against the wall. He was chatting with the cashier. Now let me just describe him:

He's about 50, slicked back gray hair, black leather bomber jacket with zippers, very obviously a smoker because he had yellow teeth...some missing. He's about 6' tall and weighs about 140 lbs. Scrawny.

So that's my first impression and he hasn't said a word. Oh, and he's leaning against the wall like he's in a Calvin Klein underwear commercial.

So I'm making my way to the register, pulling out my cash to pay, and this conversation ensues...WAIT...I have to also add here that Creepy Pete had a voice that did not match his persona, he looked like a biker burn-out and sounded like a drag queen...I mean flamboyant. (STOP IT! I'm not insulting anyone, just painting the picture.....sheesh! Gimme a break!) So, onto the conversation...

HIM: (real creepy like) "You know how they make money dontcha?"

ME: (politely) "Um, with linen."

HIM: (alluringly) "...and"

ME: (irritated) "and ink"

HIM: (alluringly) "...and"

ME: (giving up) "No idea."

ANYWAY...he opens up his wallet, with his really long and creepy fingernails, and pulls out a big wad of neatly folded cash and kind of shuffles it--so I can see that there is a lot there--then he reached down and grabs his pant leg (wearing jeans) and shakes it around.

I'm thinking...what the HECK is this guy doing?? And he says "denim".Okay, of course I'm SO fascinated by this guy's knowledge of money. All I want to do is run far and fast, and eat my dang Teriyaki Chicken! But he's pulling out all the stops. He reaches in his inside coat pocket (at this point I think he's probably going to stab me) and pulls out a set of chopsticks. And they are FANCY chopsticks with seashell inlay! Then he grabs a set of wooden ones from the bin and says, somewhat offended, "I NEVER use these..." and he waves his fancy sticks around and says "They gave me these special because I eat here EVERY DAY!"

By this time I'm chewing my own leg off to be released from the freak trap, but realized I needed to have compassion--probably for him--but instead for the poor people at Edo that get to hang out everyday with the man that I will always refer to as "Chopsticks."